Ivy
by The Cosmic Penguin
Summary: You can choose where you crash, but you can't always choose where you land...and our quartet of heroes is about to find that out in all the wrong ways...


A/N: Finally, a Return to Dream Land _oneshot_. Not like my last _multi_-_chaptered_ RtDL fic. This is a non-serious work, and I purposely made the characters act a bit different than usual. Who knows, though...the designers/animators purposely made their personalities somewhat vague, so this might not be as strange as I imagined it to be...

**Disclaimer**: I don't own any characters made by Nintendo, HAL, etc.

* * *

"It itches, it itches!"

"Don't touch me, I—I SAID, don't TOUCH me! Aren't you listening?!"

"I—hey, give me that!"

"If this continues…"

"You don't understand; I just—no Meta Knight, don't scratch it! Augh, you're dumber than I thought…"

"I'm king around here, don't—"

Kirby, Meta Knight, King Dedede, and Bandana Dee were all in a very fine pickle. Earlier that day, they had been flying along at warpstar speed, enjoying the cool breeze that it created. But they had slammed into a wall, and not only had King Dedede and Meta Knight been temporarily crushed, the warpstar had 'broken', leaving all of them to plummet into the foliage below. The abnormality of their crash can best be described by their dialogue, which went almost exactly like this…

"_Owwwwwww…Meta Knight, why did you give that pink lump a license…"_

"_Uh, guys, I'm sorry…at least we landed in some leaves…"_

"_Candy…"_

"_Yes Meta Knight, we can get your chocolate as soon as we get out of this stupid forest; I don't care if you're half-comatose from lack of sugar. Kirby, could you shut him up?"_

"_Guys? I think we have a bigger problem than Meta Knight…"_

"_What is it, B-Dee?"_

"_Look at the leaves we've been rolling in. Don't they look familiar?"_

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…_Kinda…"_

"_Do you know what they are?"_

"_Uh…hold on…"_

"_Wait a minute. Bandana Dee, you don't think…they have three leaves on this one…"_

"_So? Why—oh no. Kirby, you don't think—"_

"…"

"…"

"…"

_The three conscious heroes let out screams of irritation and agony, while Meta Knight simply rolled out of the patch. He thought this was a smart decision, but in reality he was just covering himself with the poison ivy, considering that his mask slid around so that only his face area had been protected. Fortunately for the others, their faces hadn't come into contact with the leaves. Unfortunately for the others, every part of the rest of their bodies _had_._

* * *

"Well this just sucks." Bandana Dee muttered.

The four were sitting in a room back at the castle, imprisoned for the most part by the resident Waddle Dees until they had recovered from the poison ivy. There was a TV in the room, but Meta Knight had threatened to slit Dedede's throat if he so much as dared turn it on (because the only non-interdimensional shows Meta Knight enjoyed watching were Viva Piñata or The Mole, and both had been taken off the air years ago because the majority of the population still preferred Dedede's old shows, for some reason. Needless to say, Meta Knight had not been happy with the viewers.). Kirby and Bandana Dee had offered to back him up, so Dedede hadn't even tried. Unfortunately, there were no games or video games and only a stack of paper and pencils for them to amuse themselves with until the four could see a proper doctor. Since the closest 'official' doctor happened to be on the other side of the kingdom right now…well, you win some, you lose some, right?

"You can say that again. There's no way I'm ever going to go through this again. Why isn't there some sort of cream for this?" Dedede complained.

"A gel would rub around and make it worse. This stuff we've been using is what kills it better."

"It's so runny, though. It's almost like water." Dedede raised an eyebrow. "Wouldn't it just run the poison ivy to the rest of our body?"

"It would kill it, then. Besides, the more you rub it around, the worse it gets. If it runs, it doesn't get rubbed into your skin." Kirby stated matter-of-factly.

"I wish I could kill it all," Meta Knight said darkly, mainly because he still hadn't gotten his chocolate for fear he'd end up eating poison ivy and coating his insides with it. "It's so much easier to solve problems when you can just beat them up."

"This isn't a boss fight, blueberry." Dedede stated wryly. "There are some things you just can't beat. Or kill, for that matter. There's a big difference between Dark Matter and poison ivy."

Meta Knight shot a Glare of Death at Dedede, who luckily happened to be looking to the side. "Do not relate me to a fruit, you fat penguin. Otherwise I will annihilate you, poison ivy or no. Then who'll be the fruit salad?" The blue puffball had removed his cape, mask, and armor simply because he'd gotten tired of his equipment rubbing the ivy deeper into his skin. His instincts had finally overtaken him and he'd flung everything into a corner in his anger. The others would have been surprised had they not been in their, uh…current situation. There was silence for a moment before the quartet simultaneously sighed. Meta Knight unconsciously reached up to his wing to scratch it before Bandana Dee smacked it away with his spear. The knight shot him a disoriented look before closing his eyes halfway and leaning against the wall, rubbing his wing up and down on it until it stopped itching. The others tried to ignore their itching, but eventually it became so bad that they all started rolling around on the floor like madmen. The Waddle Dees standing outside the doorway (which had no doors, for the record) looked at each other and simultaneously raised their eyebrows. It was a good thing the doctor was only five hours away.

"Okay, okay. Just relax." Meta Knight stated, half awake, half asleep. "Kirby, you could hibernate or something. You're a better sleeper than I am, aren't you?"

"Not if I'm ITCHING LIKE CRAZY!" He shouted. "I'd say this is a bit different, wouldn't _you_?!"

"Yeah, I guess so." Meta Knight shrugged. "But there's nothing we can do about it now, so we'll just have to live with it."

"I'm not living with this torture!" Dedede roared.

Bandana Dee nodded.

"Try drawing something," one of the Waddle Dees from the doorway shouted.

"Yeah, do you think we gave you those supplies just for nothing? Amuse yourselves."

The duo walked away, laughing at a joke the quartet didn't get to hear. All of them glared at the direction that the two had last been seen before they glanced at each other.

"I…guess he had a point, you know…" Bandana Dee began slowly.

"Ah, what the heck. Let's get the stuff already."

Kirby nodded, and Meta Knight fell onto his side before moaning and rolling over.

* * *

"You know, this is interesting and all, but…"

"IT'S BORING ME OUT OF MY MIND!" Dedede shouted, finishing the sentence Bandana Dee began. "Kirby, Meta Knight, how the heck are you two so good at drawing and writing?! Kirby doesn't even have any thumbs!"

Meta Knight looked up flatly from his drawing (what was it? That's up to you to speculate). "Well buddy, our species is known for being 'highly skilled technicians'; maybe that would explain a thing or two. Plus, I draw all the plans for my machines and ships out by hand before I enter them into a computer."

Dedede raised his eyebrow at the same time Kirby and Bandana Dee gave him quizzical looks. "Uh…why?"

"Just for the feel of it," he stated nonchalantly before he went back to his sketch, completely ignoring their looks of bafflement. Dedede and Bandana Dee looked at Kirby, who shrugged as best as he could.

"Hey, it works for me."

"But you're the same species as he is," Bandana Dee muttered. "Is there any hope of figuring out you guys' psychology?"

Dedede grabbed Bandana Dee and pulled him up to eye level. "You're a Waddle Dee and you don't know?!"

"Hey, hey, only some of the elders can figure out their psychology! I've tried; it's almost impossible to even begin to grasp it! I need experience! Uh, no offense to you two," he added, shooting a glance at Kirby and Meta Knight. Neither particularly seemed to care that they had been insulted, but that was yet another thing that their species was good at—well, to some degree. It was much easier when you weren't looking directly at the person, like both of them weren't.

"A pachinko machine would be nice about now…" Meta Knight mused, making a note on the other side of the paper (which happened to be filled with such notes, all in a different language).

"Uh…a….ny….reasoooooooon whyyyyyyy?" Dedede asked, as if he feared the answer he was going to get. Bandana Dee, who happened to still be in his arms, looked on with the same expression Dedede had.

Meta Knight shrugged. "Not really. I just happened to be thinking of an online game carnival on a homemade website a while back and such and they had a pachinko machine and then I was thinking of a _real_ pachinko machine and I've been around quite a few of them but some of them are really cheap but if you get the ones with the GOOD chips to plunk down them then it doesn't matter _how_ pathetic the board is and then—"

Dedede and Bandana Dee looked on in horror at the blue puffball while Kirby simply kept drawing. "Is…is he supposed to act like that? I mean, I know he doesn't act serious all the time now, but I don't think I've seen him use _this_ many run-on sentences when he's making boring lectures…"

"…and also the pachinko machine in Super Mario Sunshine; dang that thing was annoying; I haven't even _completed_ it yet…"

Kirby glanced up from his paper and then looked back down. "It's not really too bad. It's probably not something brought on by poison ivy; it's probably the last Super Smash Bros. tournament. Which reminds me, that game uses a different engine than the rest of the games; it's supposed to be more powerful which I guess makes sense considering it's a graphically intensive game. Oh, and I had something I wanted to say about that on-rails 3D shooter that just came out on…"

Dedede and Bandana Dee looked back to each other in horror. Again.

"They don't even seem to realize that nobody's listening to them." Bandana Dee stated nervously. "I'd wave a paw in front of their faces, but what if they start a lecture about _that_?"

"It's gotta be the poison ivy," Dedede hissed. "Not the Smash Bros. tournament. But who the heck has an allergic reaction to the stuff like _this_?!"

"Apparently them."

"—oh, and Dedede you might want to drop Bandana Dee 'cause I thought we weren't supposed to be touching each other until the doctor came which reminds me of Doctor Toadley from the game Bowser's Inside Story, released—"

The king quickly dropped the Waddle Dee before the two stared at where they come into contact with each other in horror. The guards at the door were nowhere to be seen. The two puffballs kept talking on and on and _on_. Bandana Dee fell onto his back and moaned while Dedede resorted to pacing back and forth in a rage. Abnormal? Probably, but technically speaking it could have been worse. As a matter of fact, I had something I wanted to say—

* * *

Needless to say, at least two of the group were very glad when the doctor showed up. Of course, it wasn't like the doctor himself was sane, but he'd gotten both puffballs to shut up and they could all go back to living at least _half_ normally. There was to be no more adventuring until they recovered, but as long as Kirby and Meta Knight didn't pull too many weird physical stunts, everyone was supposed to be back to normal within a week. King Dedede had let the puffballs haul their video game equipment back to the castle to play on. It was doing a pretty good job of keeping them amused, considering they had four different versions of Animal Crossing to attend to every day, but that could only hold them so long, and when they finished with that…

"…and _this_ room is just a real pain—"

"—there was supposed to be someone in the Safari Room in this game who was gonna chop off your head and hang it on the _wall_, but it wasn't E-Rated so—"

"—and their accent is always so prominent when they talk about their elemental powers—"

"—hardest Picross puzzle EVER—"

"—what was Sakurai _thinking_—"

"—getting a meteor streak here; they either show up five times in a row or _not_ at _all_…"

"Oh, how about if we go into the settings and do—"

Dedede and Bandana Dee looked at each other before grabbing a controller. At least they were talking about games right in front of them rather than a bunch of irrelevant stuff. Games like Kirby Air Ride and Mario Strikers even had multiplayer, and since the puffballs each owned four controllers apiece, the other two had joined in…

"—but that goal is impossible; you can't run 6000 feet in two minutes with ANY star, even on Nebula—Hey, what're you—"

…but luckily, the doctor had left them a roll of tape that let them breathe, but muffled their voice. Dedede held up the roll of tape in front of Bandana Dee's face.

"It's not duct tape, but it can still be used for almost anything we need it for."

Bandana Dee gave him a flat look. "Will it get rid of the poison ivy? I don't think so."

"Well, true, but at least we can shut up anybody too talka—mmph!"

Bandana Dee tossed the tape back and forth in his paws. "Or anybody too stupid. Don't worry, I'll take it off at meal time. Kirby and Meta Knight get to fetch it tonight. Just hope they don't put poison in your food or something for payback."

"_Bandana Dee, don't give them any ideas."_ Dedede said—or at least, tried to say. He couldn't move his mouth through the tape, so it wasn't like anybody could understand him.

* * *

About a week and a half later, everything was back to normal. The quartet was flying around on the star together, out looking for some more adventure. Dedede sighed and grinned goofily.

"Everything's finally back to normal, somewhat."

"Somewhat? You weren't the one who had to clean an entire collection of every good Nintendo game ever; you didn't have to—"

The king kicked Meta Knight's wings, making him stop talking. Dedede felt relief flow through him for about half a second before the angered puffball attacked him. The two battled it out on their side of the star, making the entire thing sway. Kirby halted the star above a beach (not above a forest; another patch of poison ivy might be under there).

"Guys, cut it out!" Bandana Dee shouted in an irritated tone of voice. He looked up at Kirby for help. The pink puff sighed.

"You know, this remind me of a game where the protagonist and the sidekick or rival or whatever you want to call it went and—"

Bandana Dee shook his head. "Where's the medicine bottle when you need it?"

Well, _almost_ everything was back to normal…

* * *

Aaaand true to Cos fashion, the title is not interesting.

I purposely gave Meta Knight a quirk or two because I know the fangirls get irritated when he's not a Mary Sue. But...he's not. I don't know what point I'm trying to make.

No matter what, I will not beg for reviews. That would be immature and it's just something that I wouldn't do. Instead, I'll beg for favs. -does said task-

PS: No, Meta Knight never got his chocolate. Unfortunately. I know he's one of my favorite characters, but sadly for him, I make it a point to treat characters equally, which is actually a saving point for him considering that my favorite characters are the ones that tend to get beaten up the most. XD


End file.
